Life isn't always fun and games over here in SE land. I remember one time in 10th grade we had to introduce ourselves using some form of alliteration before our first name. Example "Happy Hannah". I think you get it. Well, my first inclination was to introduce myself as "Cynical Sarah" (not the same letter, but the same sound). Sad as it may be- I'm affraid this is how I live most of the time.
I'm very quick to judge, rarely get over a grudge, and always find the worst in situations. Can you say Oscar the Grouch? I think so. Converseley, Mr. SE is the exact opposite. He's sunny side up, glass half full, smiling through life. Sometimes his unrelenting optimism is a source of annoyance for me- but lately I've had a change of heart. It's not fun to be grumpy.
Some things have happened during our engagement that have been less than enjoyable, and have caused me lots of undue stress at a time when my life should be all rainbows and unicorns. Maybe I'll be able to talk about this sometime in the future, but for now I'll withold. That being said, I let some of these small things dictate my overall mood in life, and I feel like the past 9 months of my engagement have been shrouded in an unpleasant cloud.
The best part of this situation is that there's 2 months left until our wedding. Two months left that I can change my outlook, to benefit the long marriage that Mr. SE and I have ahead of us. We had a speaker come into work on Monday and he said some really insightful things. His topic of discussion: Stinkin' Thinkin'. His main point was that we all talk to ourselves on a conscious or unconscious basis throughout the day, and whether we engage in positive self-talk or negative self-talk will have a huge impact on how we go through life. From now on, I've decided to try incredibly hard to engage myself in positive self-talk. Is it going to happen overnight? No. But for the sake of my personal health, and relationships, it's something that I need to commit myself to.
Have you ever had an ah-ha moment like this? I'd love to get some inspiration from readers who have made a conscious choice like this? I need all the help I can get!
6 Wonderful Comments:
Absolutely! We all have moments when we think the worse, but you HAVE to try to overcome them and think of all the positiveness you have going on... sometimes making a list helps, too!
With that in mind, your wedding is going to be incredible and all your hard work and planing will pay off. Your fiance loves you for you and that is all that matters and you have each other to help bring you back up when things get down... saying a little prayer for you and sending you some positiveness too sweetie!!
"she turned her can'ts into cans and her dreams into plans"
"whoever is happy will make others happy too!"
I feel SO bad for how I treated mostly everyone in my life the last couple of months before my wedding - esp my mom and Mr. Bear. I was like a volcano about to erupt every day and little things would set me off and I'd either be throwing crap or crying. It was like 24/7 PMS. Everything bothered me and I couldn't get myself to be happy. It was terrible. Then one day I realized that it was "just a wedding" and if I kept acting like a loony tune no one was going to come to my wedding, including my fiance.
Some people don't have any problems planning their wedding - I had a lot. I had a ton of health issues, my husband's aunt passed away, I was at a job I hated, and I was trying to plan a destination wedding under a tight budget.
Brides get a bad rap for being tempermental and emotional but we really can't help it. Same thing for pregnant women... I just know I am going to be a hot mess when that happens.
Trust me, you are not alone, especially while planning a wedding. With my hubby out of the country for most of our engagement, I was NOT a pleasant person. I'm with Mrs. Bear-- it was like PMS for a whole year:) It's all sunshine and rainbows to those looking in, but when you're in the thick of it, it can feel like anything but. And when you have more than just wedding related stress, it can be even worse. I can't tell you how many times I told MJ I was over the whole thing and didn't care (of course, I really did, which is why I was so stressed).
Finally, I just hit a point where I told myself I needed to get it together and take control. I started making decisions and sticking to them-- didn't give anyone an explanation or let anyone sway me in a different direction-- just made my choice and that was that. Getting the wedding stress under control really helped me get the rest of my stresses under control.
Let me know if you ever need to talk or just vent! I am always up for lending an ear:)
Awww, serious Sarah is rare but I love her. :)
This is such a tough situation sometimes - I think it's a Type A Woman thing. But it's so good to get a reminder that we choose how much we let things like that affect us. I think you're going to come out ahead on this one. I'm sure of it. :)
Miss SE, I think that during this time in your life, stress and negativity is probably to be expected to a certain extent. I believe all of the above brides and myself understand the stress that you are under and sympathize with you 100%.
The most positive thing about this is that you realize that is something you want to and are willing to improve upon. That is AWESOME.
The best thing I've learned to do when my own person Oscar rears his ugly head is to talk to Big Spoon about how I'm feeling. Just allowing someone else to simply listen for awhile and then say "hey, you're being to hard on yourself" or "you're doing that thing again that you do when you're stressed." Whether that is Mr. SE or your MOH, don't bottle it up. I hope that you can find a safe place/person/time to let all that stress and negativity out of your brain.
Hugs :)
I think the best think I have learned recently is to actually stop and think, "is this situation something I can change?" If it is, I work through how to change it. If it is something that is out of my control, I have to learn how to just accept the fire balls life throws at you and not dwell on the negative. Exercise, good friends (and chocolate) definitely help with stress relief.
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